2 Peter 3:18 — But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.
This is going against everything in my nature, DNA, and character!!! A subtle torture and agony!? To finally… And suddenly except a new lifestyle and attitude is humanly totally impossible!!!! No matter what I “know” in my head… My emotions and heart are still cranked up, intense and ready to do battle!!Hummmmm!?! I know in my head God can do this… Nothing is impossible with Him… but this is a new chapter in my life which is definitely mysterious and unknown.
I have been “fighting” for life, progress and survival since I was five years old- when my dad began to push me HARD to be a serious boxer ! Pray that I can change this Way of life!!! Thanks for caring and understanding… For years I have been sensing and being told… That I need to write… and with 40 years of journaling and diaries… I have a lot of work and editing to do if they are ever going to be useful to others when I’m gone! PRAY I can get over myself… And my constant “guilt” for not deserving anything – and never doing enough!
Sorry for dumping on you.. but this is some of the reality of my life. I have preached all over the world… In every imaginable circumstance… Love -mercy -grace – agape- unconditional love – etc. etc. But as they say “practice what you preach!”. I probably have some fear and doubt – that people will not support our ministry when I’m weak and broken, but only when I’m strong and victorious!? Hummmm?!?! FINALLY IN MY MESSINESS — I CLING CONFIDENTLY TO HIS MERCY!! Hallelujah!!
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not to your own understanding, but in ALL of your ways – acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path” Proverbs 3:5-6
THANK YOU for your friendship and prayer!!